What If Ayn Rand Reviewed Children’s Movies?
I love poking fun of Ayn Rand. Since the recent Ayn Rand resurgence thanks to the Tea Party, it’s just too easy.
Today, though, I don’t intend to poke fun at Ayn Rand. I’ll let The New Yorker do it for me.
Before Christmas, they posted a hilarious column in which “Ayn Rand” reviews children’s movies. It’s spot on.
“The Muppets Take Manhattan”
This movie was a disappointment. The Muppets do not take Manhattan at all. They merely visit it. —No stars.
At last, a full-length feature about the inherent value of possessions. —Four stars.
A farm animal ceases to be useful and is disposed of humanely. A valuable lesson for children. —Four stars.
The biggest and the strongest are the fittest to rule. This is the way things have always been. —Four stars.
A woman takes a job with a wealthy family without asking for money in exchange for her services. An absurd premise. Later, her employer leaves a lucrative career in banking in order to play a children’s game. —No stars.
“Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”
An excellent movie. The obviously unfit individuals are winnowed out through a series of entrepreneurial tests and, in the end, an enterprising young boy receives a factory. I believe more movies should be made about enterprising young boys who are given factories. —Three and a half stars. (Half a star off for the grandparents, who are sponging off the labor of Charlie and his mother. If Grandpa Joe can dance, Grandpa Joe can work.)
An exceptional woman foolishly allows her mooching family members to keep her from ruling a kingdom of ice in perfect solitude. She is forced to use her unique powers to provide free entertainment for peasants, without compensation. I liked the snowman, when he sang. —One star.
This is just great. Now I’m inspired.
I would’ve loved her take on Toy Story 3. Did Andy redistribute the wealth by giving away his toys?
(Image: Wikimedia Commons)