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A New Challenger For Worst Book Cover Ever

We have a new challenger for worst book cover ever.

Yes, I even think it is worse than this delightfully awful book cover.

We won’t even talk about the book’s topic itself–that’s a different discussion.

But let’s just take a look at the beauty that is this book cover.

opencarry

Just marinate in that for a little bit. Enjoy it. Bathe in its beauty.

Now, let’s take an even closer look:

  • Dad apparently lost his right hand and had a gun implant.
  • Let’s assume dad’s hand is just hidden, why is the gun perpendicular to dad’s leg? Is that an open carry thing?
  • Dad looks more feminine than mom. Does he trim his eyebrows? I think we might have lesbian open-carry parents here, an unusual demographic to be sure.
  • Is dad wearing a cadet cap? Do we have a lesbian, hipster who open carries here? The demographic gets even more unusual.
  • Mom is wearing jorts.
  • The kid is sporting an Hawaiian shirt and some kind of hipster mullet hybrid hairstyle.
  • The kid looks like a hobbit.
  • The description at the bottom says “An Open Carry Adventure: Safe-Responsible-Fun.” Okay. If that’s how you define “fun.” But “safe” and “responsible?” Again, look at the position of dad’s gun. He’s about to blow his ACL into smithereens. What about this says safe and responsible?
  • This entirely family has incredibly large eyes. They must be distant relatives of Amanda Seyfried. But she’s attractive. This family resembles some type of alien species.

This book cover—and let’s be honest, the book title and subject matter—is yet another example of why self-publishing gets a bad name. Except, oh, wait a minute, this was published by a “real” publisher, White Feather Press, that has a strange obsession with releasing books about open carry and gun culture in general.

I’m guessing, for about an extra $50, this publisher could’ve come up with a slightly better book cover.

Bless their hearts.

What did I miss about this book cover? Isn’t it amazing?

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19 Comments Post a comment
  1. The mom and daughter look like the just duplicated one of them and made a few small changes to the other, too. This cover is fantastic, but in the worst way possible.

    Liked by 2 people

    August 22, 2014
  2. Take away the facial hair and I’m pretty sure they’re all the same person. This post is the best thing that has happened to me today!

    Liked by 2 people

    August 22, 2014
  3. EddieB #

    Note to self: NEVER use Lorna Bergman as an illustrator if I publish a book!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
  4. E. Laurence Sims #

    Obvious amateur. International Correspondence School of Art graduate. Or brilliant satire of the unschooled right wing gun toting public.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
    • I originally thought satire, but if you go to the publisher’s website you’ll realize it’s the real deal.

      Liked by 1 person

      August 22, 2014
  5. Even the fonts are awful. You can’t even see the authors. I guess that girl was pretty proud of her illustration as she put her name on the front cover. Who does that?

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
    • E. Laurence Sims #

      That’s what amateurs do. They sign everything for posterity. Right!?

      Liked by 1 person

      August 22, 2014
  6. Is the “child” male or female?

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
  7. I hate to use words like “awful” and “terrible”, but this cover is simply atrocious. And like a car wreck, I can’t stop looking at it.

    Liked by 2 people

    August 22, 2014
  8. I really like the shaded title font, very “book report circa 1997.” If ever there was a case for using comic sans…

    Liked by 2 people

    August 22, 2014
  9. Is it merely a coincidence that the author has the same last name as Warren Jeffs, a FLDS “prophet” who is currently an inmate of the Texas Department of Corrections, serving a life sentence for child sexual assault? I idly wonder. Because mom & daughter look roughly the same age.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
  10. The kid looks older than the mom!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
  11. I would think this was drawn by some kid, first starting out. It doesn’t scream professional at all. I laughed so hard reading this! A book cover can definitely make or break someone’s desire to read a book, at least it does so for me. And this just looks like it’ll be some horror story with a creepy alien family as you said lol Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
  12. Comic Sans (the lowest font on the cover, for anyone who doesn’t know) is often known as the “sarcasm font”. If you consider that, the “safe – responsible – fun” is perfectly placed. 🙂

    Cannot get over that dad and his hand… someone really doesn’t know how to draw a gun holster!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
  13. If Dad is right handed, he’s in real trouble when he has to go wee wee late at night and is half asleep. Only goes to show you, open carry is not safe and responsible. Oh, and this takes the word handgun to a whole new level.

    Congrats on teaching Uncle Bardie a new word today. The word for today is jorts. As in: John and Mary went shopping for a new pair of jorts for each of them. They were looking for jorts to match their stylish new handguns.

    Liked by 2 people

    August 22, 2014
  14. Denise #

    I discovered if you type this title into Amazon, the list of books that come up under it is equally hilarious. Great Friday chuckle!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 22, 2014
  15. “The kid looks like a Hobbit” – that line made my day! Thanks for laugh.

    Like

    August 23, 2014
  16. Laura #

    They belong on The Stepford Wives or an alien film. I laughed so hard reading this that I cried. My husband thinks I’ve lost it…Thanks!

    Like

    August 23, 2014
  17. Emka Tee #

    This book is apparently an Amazon #1 Bestseller at 3 three star rating. In my quest to discover just how this also became available on Kindle and in PDF, on Amazon.com, I found another book cover horror awaiting me. I am now at a loss. Mushroom man cover for sheer comic genius pose or Shaping your Child’s Sexual Identity for the blatant irony.

    Like

    August 23, 2014

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