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Your Search Questions Answered: The 20 Greatest Hits!

To “celebrate” the 20th volume of the Your Search Questions Answered series, I thought I’d pull my favorite “question” from each of the first 20 posts.

This is by far the longest running, and most fun, series of posts on 101 Books. If you’ve never read one of these posts, I simply pull the search engine terms that find my blog, show them completely unedited, and attempt some sort of witty response. The results are mixed.

But here are my favorites from the first 20 volumes of Your Search Questions Answered. To see all of the first 20 posts, check out the archive.  

is there a book called 101 ways to smell a fart

You know, if there is, I’d love to know how the author went about researching this book.

funny things to put on a english major’s graduation cap

Since I’m a former English major, I can make fun of us. And I’ve got three suggestions: 1) “My participles don’t dangle.” 2) “I got a useless degree and will be unemployed for the next 75% of my life.” 3)”Look Ma! No income!” Thanks. I’ll be here all week.

i don’t know what to do

Just act calm, like nothing happened. If anyone looks you in the eyes, smile gracefully. Don’t accept gifts of more than $100. Stay out of New Jersey for awhile. Wear sunglasses and a Tom Selleck-style ‘stache.

bookshelf welcome to my book list. each of these books are inspiring in some way and i will keep adding as time allows me. enjoy!

It goes without saying that we all know bookshelves have thoughts. The only question here is—what was this bookshelf thinking? And can you imagine if the bookshelf really hated the books and didn’t want to be welcomed to this reader’s self-proclaimed “inspiring” book list? Like, what if this reader was a huge Tony Robbins fan—half of his bookshelf was nothing but signed Tony Robbins books? How depressing it must be for that sad bookshelf to live a life like that. It can’t speak. It’s left alone to its own torturous thoughts, in a prison of Tony Robbins books, with a chatty owner who talks to inanimate objects. The travesty.

feelings that you get when you read the book are you there god its me margaret

Dread. Misery. A vague feeling of “otherness,” like stepping into a room full of inside jokes, except none of the jokes are funny, even to the people who tell them, and everything’s just kind of gross and bloody.

introduction sentences for favorite food

In a world where red meat is king, a new champion approaches the throne: sea bass. Paired with a coupling of lemon-garlic grilled shrimp and seared to a light golden brown, this tender inhabitant of the ocean depths is prepared to make a culinary conquest on its grass-fed counterparts. Red Meat—welcome to your doom. Sea bass rules this world.

most of my time i watch tv and reading novelss

Gollum?

a

I’m not sure how someone searched for “a” and found my blog. But I’m honored. I don’t want to stop now, though. Next goal? Cornering the market on the “b” searches. This is SEO at its best.  I’m on it. B B B B B B B B B B B B b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b b. Oh, and B b B b B b.

is blood meridian violent

Is Mrs. Dalloway boring?

describing gone with the wind in one sentence

Gone With the Wind is a battle between Scarlett and Ashley to see who sucks more.

what is it like being an english major

Hold on, let me put down my glass of Scotch for a second to answer your query. Oh, look, a family of beavers is building a lovely home in the mountain stream outside my window! That reminds me: Do you know where I might find an antique mahogany bookshelf on which to place my collection of first edition Emerson and Thoreau?

what word is right when spelled wrong even when its spelled right

Words have been written. Cannot comprehend. Confused. Mentally paralyzed. Feeling drowsy. Must lie down.

every time you say just saying

You take a piece of me with you.

sex with a barnes and noble employee

How would you use the lanyard? Or would it get in the way?

a softtongue’s pawkytalk mude unswer u sufter poghyogh

I’m sorry. You must have mistaken me for someone else.

most disgusting sounding sentence ever

The moist, meaty nugget secreted a milky substance that resembled a dangling mass of flesh.

why do people spell ho wrong

My guess is that people who might commonly need to spell “ho” aren’t overly concerned with the proper spelling of “ho.” Just a general thought.

sentences to annoy my ex girlfriend

Pick one:

1) My ex-girlfriend had more armpit hair than me.

2) This STD is terribly itchy, so I hope I didn’t give it to anyone.

3) My ex-girlfriend is excellent dating material–that is, if you appreciate an insomniac stalker with a tire-slashing tendency.

funny leonardo dicaprio fictional stories about time travel that ends with ernie scared of water

I can’t even process this enough to make a comment.

how to write a classical novel

It’s a 12 step process.

  1. Have crappy parents. 2. Go to Ivy League school. 3. Drink a lot. 4. Fail out of Ivy League school. 5. Do drugs a lot. 6. Drink a lot some more. 7. Marry a crazy person. 8. Write great novel. 9. Do more drugs a lot. 10. Divorce crazy person and marry another crazy person. 11. Write terrible novel. 12. Kill yourself.

After your death, that great novel you wrote (step 8) will become a classic. Well done!

 

And that’ll do it for this, the Greatest Hits from the first 20 volumes of Your Search Questions Answered.

Go back and check the archives if you want to read more.

Thanks for reading and making these posts so fun. Until next time!

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14 Comments Post a comment
  1. Your most disgusting sounding sentence ever is pretty darn good. *Shiver*
    I love this post!

    Like

    June 20, 2014
    • deweydecimalsbutler #

      Yeah, I second this comment.

      Like

      June 20, 2014
  2. These are by far my favorite posts. I mean I love the books and what not, but reading the search terms on my blog I can’t help but think of wise crack answers like you 😀

    Like

    June 20, 2014
    • Thanks Geoff! They’re really funny to research and write too.

      Like

      June 20, 2014
  3. Helen #

    “what word is right when spelled wrong even when its spelled right” – That word would be “incorrectly” – the only way to spell incorrectly incorrectly is to spell it incorrectly.

    I think I just had an aneurysm.

    Like

    June 20, 2014
  4. deweydecimalsbutler #

    The one about the bookshelf looks more like a teacher was doing a plagiarism check. At least, that’s what mine look like.

    Like

    June 20, 2014
  5. There’s definitely a career for you somewhere, doing something….

    Like

    June 20, 2014
  6. Reblogged this on jpatrickavery and commented:
    Always fun!

    Like

    June 20, 2014
  7. Helen #

    My Name is Helen, from United Kingdom. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called dr aigbehi has just done for me, this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Ariel we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email, then you won’t believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a set of twins, thank you once again the great dr aigbehi for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any problem like:

    (1) If you want your ex back. (2) if you always have relationship problem. (3) You want to be promoted in your office. (4) You want cure for any disease. (5) If you want a child. (6) You want to be rich. (7) You want people to obey your words. (8) If you need financial assistance etc.

    you can contact his email on draigbehi1@gmail.com

    Like

    June 21, 2014
  8. I found your great blog through the WLC Blog Follows on the World Literary Cafe! Great to connect

    Like

    June 22, 2014
  9. Some classics in here! One of my favourites being… every time you say just saying…You take a piece of me with you!! 😀 I’ve only been blogging for around three months now, but I’ve worked on quite a few websites and know of the “how the hell did they end up on my site?” search phenomenon. Luckily (?) the searches that get to me (that I can see – thanks “unknown search terms”!) are all relatively normal… so far.

    Like

    June 23, 2014
  10. Hilarious! Thanks for putting this together… the internet is a strange and wonderful place.

    Like

    June 23, 2014

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