Bookish Pet Peeve #1: Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth
Every bookstore has one.
This guy, he lurks the aisles like a predator of silence. With his cell phone against his ear, his weapon is his voice. Loud, obnoxious, overly chatty.
You hear the Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth long before you see him. He’s not reading books. He’s not even looking for a book.
He came in the store to buy his wife a $50 gift card, but he’s been on the phone for 20 minutes. And you, along with the 47 other people in the store, have heard every word.
This guy says words like “meeting” and “business” and “shareholder” and “bro.” He strings those words together into sentences like, “Bro, we need to set up a business meeting with shareholders!”
Or he might say things like “You need to fire Alex yesterday! We don’t have time for this, bro!”
The younger version of Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth will say things like “She got hammered last night, bro!” or “What time are you guys going to the club tonight?”
Every detail from Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth’s personal and professional life is broadcast worthy. The cellphone is his microphone. The bookstore is his stage. The bookstore’s customers are his audience. You will listen to what he has to say!
He’s probably wearing a blue-tooth because Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth doesn’t realize that using a blue tooth was a total douchebag move even in 2005. Now, even hard-core douchebags know better.
But Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth doesn’t have time to worry about such nonsense. He’s important, and he wants to make sure you know it.
His life is such a flurry of activity, such a litany of urgent telephone calls and demands, that you just have no idea. This guy, he can’t even step into a bookstore to buy his wife a $50 gift card without some important person calling him to discuss some really important stuff. Can you imagine that type of power?
So as you relax on your plush leather chair in your bookstore of choice, sipping on coffee and reading a little Sylvia Plath on a Tuesday afternoon, just know that, at any moment, Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth could show up unannounced. Or, check that, he’ll announce his presence as soon as he steps in the front door.
Bookstore Cell Phone Blabbermouth is the walking, talking version of a fart. As soon as he enters the room, everyone clears out.
When you hear him coming, you’d be wise to just buy your books and get out. He’s going to be there awhile. Your ears will thank you.
(Image: Wired Magazine)