Who Are The Worst Couples In Literature?
Hooray for Valentines Day!
Today is a wonderful opportunity to gorge oneself on overpriced chocolate and questionable fettucine alfredo, while dining with the one you love.
Or, if you’re tired of hearing everyone yapping about love and such, then perhaps you’d like to relish in the dark, miserable side of romance.
Like these terrible couples from literature, for example. So if you hate Valentines Day, then today’s post is for you.
Here are some of the worst couples in literature–at least that I could think of.
Scarlett and Ashley (and Rhett)(Gone With The Wind). I’ve talked a lot about my disdain for Scarlett on this blog—but it’s no match for the disdain I have for pansy boy Ashley. This guy, he pee-peed all over his big boy pants on a daily basis. He reminds me of a more feminine version of Justin Beiber. Scarlett and Ashley, as a couple, were a total disaster. Out of these three, I think Rhett would do well to just marry himself.
Humbert Humbert and Dolores (Lolita). I don’t know if I should really count these two as a couple. Humbert is a creepy old guy who basically forces himself on Dolores, an impressionable pre-teen. The whole story just reeks of an extended episode of To Catch A Predator. It’s just nasty. And a twisted, nasty sense of love isn’t love.
Tom and Daisy Buchanan (The Great Gatsby): Let’s start with this: Tom Buchanan is one massive douchebag. He’s an unfunny version of Schmidt from the TV show New Girl. Seriously, Daisy is a few sandwiches short of a picnic herself, so these two were really made for each other. The only couple in literature more shallow than Tom and Daisy might be…
Frank and April Wheeler (Revolutionary Road): These two are the most miserable human beings that have ever graced the pages of a novel. They’re alcoholics and cheaters and crappy employees and use do-it-yourself abortion kits. They just suck. Happy Valentines Day, Frank and April!
Anna Karenina-Count Vronsky (Anna Karenina): Because she’s so deeply in love with Vronsky, and because she’s paranoid and believes him to be cheating on her, Anna can’t go on living. She throws herself under a moving train. If you’re going to kill yourself, why not at least hire a private eye first to make sure that the Count is, in fact, cheating on you? As the old saying goes, “Sometimes love sucks. But throwing yourself under a moving train sucks even more.” Such wisdom in that statement.
Clyde Griffiths and Roberta Alden (and Sondra) (An American Tragedy): Another wonderful literary love triangle! For some people, being young and in love with a beautiful fiancé is a dream come true. But not for Clyde Griffiths. He tosses his young, pregnant fiancé off the back of a boat so he can date another young, non-pregnant, rich girl. Clyde, ever the charming romantic.
Now, if that list of miserable couples doesn’t get you all cheered up for Valentines Day, then what’s wrong with you?
And, while you’re thinking about it, answer the question: Who’s the worst couple in literature?