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Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 14

After a couple months away from Your Search Questions Answered, enough time to let the weird search terms pile up and my creative juices to refill, it’s time.

If you’re new to the blog, this is just a little series of posts where I try and make sense of some of the search terms that found my blog. I leave them in all their unedited glory so you can enjoy them as I did upon first sight. If you’re interested in past editions of Your Search Questions Answered, here you go.

Now, on with it:

books to read that will make you not hate yorself

Any book NOT on the Time list, including—but not limited to—The Cat in the Hat, That’s Not My Monkey, Charlotte’s Web, Saturday Night Live: The First 20 Years, and Paula Deen’s Southern Cooking Bible.

a dance to the music of time complete set

Don’t do it. Don’t even think about doing it. Don’t even think about thinking about doing it. Just…no. Stop that, right now.

i managed to the hold on the novel; a handful of dust. is the grammer correct

Yes. Absolutely. You keep going with that.

how to convince my parents to let me read a book with a sex scene

Right now, I’m debating whether Scar from The Lion King is too scary for my two year old. So your question is way beyond my pay grade.

why do i never spell anything wrong?

Because you’re one of those people who always won the 6th grade spelling bee and shattered my dream and made me misspell “happiness” because I knew that it didn’t have a “Y” in there. I knew it. Of course “happiness” is spelled with an “I.” So why did I misspell it? Why did I have to go sit in that lonely group of chairs away from all the other sixth-graders who were still competing, who didn’t misspell happiness? Where did it all go wrong? How could you do this to me?

a softtongue’s pawkytalk mude unswer u sufter poghyogh

I’m sorry. You must have mistaken me for someone else.

all snobby sorry if you feel your nose on the stars know

Dude, you really need to adjust your iPhone settings. Siri’s all jacked up.

steak that makes you hungry looking at it


a way to describe someone who made me feel disgusted

I always prefer “slimey buttmunch,” but you’ve got to go with what makes you feel comfortable and adequately indignant.

infinite jest – what’s it about?

That’s hilarious!

list of things that seem impossible, but aren’t

Reading A Dance To The Music of Time.

Laughing at a joke by Ellen Degeneres.

Eating just one Lays potato chip.

Witnessing your wife having a baby without passing out.

A waterskiing squirrel. 


That’s all I got for today, but stayed tuned…more search questions answered next month!

11 Comments Post a comment
  1. Matt #

    The steak picture was very effective. Now I want steak. At 9 in the morning.


    January 18, 2013
  2. I’ve considered imitating you and sharing some of my more choice search terms, but I am just not as funny as responding to them. Thanks for the laugh this morning! And yes, now I want steak.


    January 18, 2013
    • Just talk about really random stuff on your blog and you’ll get really random search terms. They write themselves!


      January 18, 2013
  3. This is my first time experiencing this feature, and I am an enormous fan. Hilarious. Thanks for a good chuckle.


    January 18, 2013
    • Awesome. I try to post it about once a month.


      January 18, 2013
  4. So what do you think was the least impossible: you finishing “Dance to the Music of Time” or that cute little waterskiing squirrel learning to do her tricks?


    January 18, 2013
    • Definitely Dance. Waterskiing squirrel is nothing compared to that.


      January 18, 2013
  5. immediate lol


    January 18, 2013
  6. “infinite jest – what’s it about?”
    About Hamlet!! Alas poor yorick … 😛


    January 19, 2013
  7. Reblogged this on 1TVNauta 2.5.


    January 19, 2013

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