My Answers To Would You Rather…
So you guys gave your answers to our first game of literary would you rather on Friday. I thought I’d jump in and give my answers today.
Take a look at Friday’s post for a review.
1. Would you rather write a crappy book that is critically panned but sells millions of copies (and makes you millions of dollars) or write an award-winning book that sells a few thousand and leaves you in relative obscurity?
Who worded this question? Ugh. What do you mean by “crappy?” If I’m happy with it, I’ll take the millions of dollars and run, whether or not the critics like it. But then there’s my ego that would probably love all the awards and high-brow parties that critical acclaim would bring, even if it didn’t bring much cash. And if the critics love it, that probably means the rest of the world will hate it. So I’m always going to disappoint somebody…might as well take the money.
2. Would you rather live and die alone or live and die with Scarlett O Hara?
The only way I would live with Scarlett O’ Hara would be if the only other alternative is Rosie O’ Donnell. Scarlett or a lifetime of loneliness? I’ll take loneliness. Last I checked, silence doesn’t say “Fiddle Dee Dee!”
3. Think about the book you hate the most. Now, would you rather have that book as the only book you can read for the rest of your life, or would you rather live in a country where the standard greeting is sniffing each other’s armpits?
That book would be Mrs. Dalloway. And what an awful choice this is. I would hope armpit sanitation is a prominent issue in a country where they greet each other in this way. Certainly, this wouldn’t be a Granola-ish country that has women with hairy armpits and dudes that don’t believe in deodorant. Would it? As long as that’s not the case, I’ll take the armpit-sniffing country. I just couldn’t bear reading Mrs. Dalloway every day.
4. Would you rather have George Orwell’s moustache or Mark Twain’s moustache? See photos below.
Twain, no doubt. I’d rather deal with the occasional hamburger bit getting stuck in my ‘stache than be mistaken for a child predator. Come on, Orwell. Horrible facial hair.
5. Would you rather always have to read out loud—IN A VERY LOUD VOICE THAT EVERYONE AROUND YOU CAN HEAR—or be unable to read and always have someone read to you?
I think I’d take the second option here. Reading wouldn’t be fun if I had to annoy everyone around me in order to do it. At least with the second option, I can enjoy audio books. I’m sure my wife would eventually get tired of reading to me, though.
6. Would you rather have to do one push up after every single page of a book you read or have to run 5 miles (at once) after every whole book you read?
This is an interesting question. I’d take the run after every book. The push up after every page would just get old and monotonous, not to mention the fact that it would probably mess with my reading rhythm. I like to run anyway, so the 5 miles is a no brainer.
7. Would you rather be a literate bird or an illiterate dog?
Literate bird, most definitely. I’m not sure what my life expectancy would be, but hopefully I could be a cool bird that’s on the endangered list. Just think of all the custom bookshelves I could create in a large southern Oak tree! And, when I’m done reading, I could go to Florida games and dive bomb Florida fans with a poop attack. I’ll definitely take life as a well-read bird.
And that’s over.
You probably became dumber by reading this post. I am certainly dumber for having written it.
But if your diminishing IQ doesn’t bother you, and you didn’t have the chance to answer the questions on Friday, feel free to chime in today. Or simply ridicule my answers.