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Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 7

Welcome to the latest edition of Your Search Questions Answered–my not-that-funny attempt at trying to make sense of all the weird search terms that find my blog via Google and the like. If you’d like to read previous editions, here you go.

Remember, these are actual, unedited search terms that found my blog. Let’s get on with it!

kids using lemon pledge to get high?

I don’t know why, but I just imagined Phil Dunphy from Modern Family typing this into Google.

the banana in Dalloway

I assume this is referring to Mrs. Dalloway, and as my experience reading that book has been banished to the dark, moldy recesses of my brain, I have no insight into this banana. Perhaps it was a banana eaten by an irreverent monkey who chose to fling poo at Mrs. Dalloway while she purchased groceries for her much ballyhooed party.

novels are not by margaret atwood

No, actually, novels are by Margaret Atwood. You seem very confident in this statement, but I would disagree, seeing as I’ve read one of Mrs. Atwood’s novels. Next, you’re going to tell me that the internet isn’t by Al Gore.

contents in egg after a limpia

That is the nastiest thing I’ve ever read, and I don’t even know what it means. I believe this actually came from a commenter on a previous search questions post. If you dare google this phrase, proceed with caution. And feel free to tell me what it means.

101 fart sounds book

You make one mention about being an “old fart” and all of the sudden your blog becomes the epicenter of all things fart. That said, I think a 101 fart sounds book would be awesome! Even better, make it a scratch and smell. Would make for great nighttime reading with my little guy.

why did harper lee chose to use the n word in her book

Because the people she wrote about were racists and used the “n word.” Had she chose to censor herself or her characters, that would’ve been like trying to write a Christian book without using the word “God.” It’s disgusting and sad, but racist people use the “n word,” so racist characters in novels should also use the “n word.”

harper lee bush

I don’t even know what to say.

the blah story review

The Blah Story is a piece of blah that is written by a pretentious blah who wants to make a buck on blah people who aren’t very blah. I can’t imagine anyone ever spending actual money on that pathetic blah of a blah book. I give 0 out of 10 blahs to The Blah Story, and I haven’t even read it. Why the blah would I want to?

i have lots of books in my bookcase ,can i somehow put them in my ipad

Oh, the problems we first-worlders must deal with. I have a theory about the iPad and Kindle (disclaimer: I have an iPad). Apple and Amazon are attempting what can only be called book genocide. Think about it. If the iPad army has its way, all of our beloved paper books, with all of their uniqueness and personality, will be gone and we’ll be left with nothing but digital books that all look the same. It’s literary genocide, I tell you!

i hate the word cumbersome

That’s a good one. What about “salmonella?” You could even use the two words in this lovely sentence: “After suffering from salmonella poisoning brought on by a Taco Bell burrito at 1 a.m, Dirk’s stomach grew cumbersome and unpredictable.”

why read fiction novels

Fiction novels? As opposed to nonfiction novels? Or fiction nonfiction?

most of my time i watch tv and reading novelss

Gollum?

pictures to learn kids dont be selfish

Whenever I want to teach my son not to be selfish, I think I’ll draw up a picture of a selfish kid hoarding an Elmo doll while Santa frowns disapprovingly from the North Pole and writes a short note in his “Naughty Notebook” that says: “No fun toys this year. Give socks, underwear and a t-shirt that says ‘Santa Hates Selfish Kids.'”

***

That’s all for this time around.

As always, feel free to chime in with any interesting and unusual search terms that have come your way recently!

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16 Comments Post a comment
  1. “Oh, the problems we first-worlders must deal with.” – I agree with the genocide – I purchase at least one copy of a book if I’ve fallen truly in love with it. Debating on buying Never Let Me Go as I just finished it and fell in love with the hauntingly beautiful language and idea.

    Like

    January 13, 2012
  2. homec #

    I hate the word moist. Just thought I would throw that out there.

    Like

    January 13, 2012
  3. Made me laugh on this very snowy day in Ann Arbor. Thanks!

    Like

    January 13, 2012
  4. I’m a bit disturbed by the fact that “hidden sex slaves” was one of the search terms leading to my blog.

    Like

    January 13, 2012
    • That is VERY disturbing. I’ve seen some super creepy terms since writing about Lolita too.

      Like

      January 13, 2012
  5. I actually laughed out loud (as opposed to “lol”) at the Gollum reference. Happy Friday!

    Like

    January 13, 2012
  6. kmesa #

    Love reading your blog. Fave line: Gollum?

    Like

    January 13, 2012
  7. pdshah429 #

    101 fart sounds book?!?! really? I’m NOW more interested in the searchers than what they’re actually searching…

    Like

    January 13, 2012
  8. Hehe, great post. I think the funniest searches I’ve noticed on my blog so far have been “family spaceship floorplan” and “whale sounds for pregnant ladies,” but it’s been a while since I checked on them.

    Like

    January 14, 2012
  9. I love the word “cumbersome.” How could one not like that word? Also, I *really* don’t want to know about Harper Lee bush, and I’m not sure why anyone would. Haha!

    Like

    January 14, 2012
  10. I finally did the same analysis for my blog: http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/2012/01/15/how-to-find-my-blog/ – Thanks for the idea!

    Like

    January 15, 2012
  11. Sam #

    Kids using Lemon Pledge to get high. What in the world have you been blogging about? 😉

    Like

    January 16, 2012

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