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Getting Spammy With It: Volume 3

Have you ever heard the theory that monkeys could write Shakespeare if they were given an infinite amount of time?

Well, to write a spam comment, monkeys would need precisely 15 minutes.

With that, it’s no coincidence that the spam comments have been piling up (props to the WordPress filter for catching almost 100% of them!). Looks like the monkeys were busy over the holidays.

So it’s time to get spammy with it and take a look at some of the more confusing and English language-challenged spam comments that found their way into the blog’s spam filter. Yet, here I am, bringing them into the light.

I must admit that this is one great insight. It surely gives a company the opportunity to get in on a lawn floor and really take part in creating something special and tailored in their needs.

Is this a landscape company that you speak of? Or some type of super cool innovative company that works out of a greenhouse? I wonder if Google has thought of that–nap breaks, free lunches, and grass floors!

Fantastic goods of your stuff, guy. Ive research your things ahead of as well as youre just as well amazing. I enjoy exactly what you have the following, adore what you are stating and exactly how a person state it. You make it entertaining and also you even now manage to help keep it smart. We cant wait around to go through additional from you. That is truly an amazing website.

Thanks, pal. I’ve been told the goods of my stuff is pretty stellar. Enjoy going around additional from me. You won’t regret it.

Remarkable issues here. I’m very satisfied to peer your article. Thanks a lot and I am taking a look ahead to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

Did you just say you want to pee on my article? At least be respectful and pee on my lawn floor.

Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in truth was once a leisure account it. Glance advanced to more added agreeable from you! However, how could we be in contact?

Did the word “auspicious” just make it into a spam comment? Yes, it did.

Occasionally I just feel that folks write and dont genuinely have a lot to say. Not so here. You definitely have some thing to say and you say it with style, my man! You sure do have an intriguing way of drawing men and women in, what with your videos and your words. Youve got very a one-two punch for a weblog!

Oh, you. I think you’re just buttering me up because you want to invite me into some type of pyramid scheme. After all, if you use more than two exclamation points per paragraph (!!!), use the phrase “my man” and “one-two punch” and randomly comment on blogs, isn’t there a 98% chance that you’re a multi-level marketer? My man!

I got what you convey, thanks for swing up. Woh I am gladsome to get this website finished google. Thanks For Share 5 Things I’ve Learned About Book Blogging | 101 Books.

Great! No problem, bro. Right back ‘atcha on the swing up. You can’t imagine how gladsome I was after reading your comment website google. Here’s another swing up just for you, my friend.

***

Seriously, friends, if illiterate spambots ever take over the world, we’re all screwed. Reading through these comments is like reading The Sound and The Fury in some Anthony Burgess-inspired nadsat language. Wow, what a book nerd joke that one was.

Thanks again to WordPress for sparing us all from this nonsense every day.

Until volume four, make sure you keep your peer on the lawn floor. Swing up!

Seen any fun spam comments lately?

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19 Comments Post a comment
  1. Jillian ♣ #

    Gladsome. 😆

    Like

    January 6, 2012
  2. As a matter of fact, I received a classic this morning:

    “The next time I learn a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my option to learn, however I truly thought youd have one thing interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you may repair for those who werent too busy in search of attention.”

    There’s nothing like getting insulted by a spambot!

    Like

    January 6, 2012
    • Wow. Spambots are usually so friendly!

      Like

      January 6, 2012
    • pamelascott30 #

      Ha ha Paul. I got almost the exact same comment with a couple of words changed.

      Like

      January 6, 2012
  3. The poor writing and odd word-choice is not a sign of the spammer’s lack of intelligence but rather that English is not their natural language. We all know the image of a young Chinese hacker spending long hours at the computer generating these whimsical messages. But the bottom line is, they must work.

    Spam, like most internet scams, eventually has a return, otherwise it would not continue to exist. No one does anything without some kind of reward.

    I notice at WordPress one very common form of spam is a general praise for the individual’s web log. But there are so many clues (word choice, inappropriate page reference, the same message posted twenty times, etc.) that no one would accept it as valid praise and would deal with it as spam. No one? Actually, I believe our human need for constant stroking often overlooks the clues and lets the spam post—praise is comforting, even if it is spam.

    Everyone should look around the comments on their web log. Did any spam get through, possibly because it allowed you to feel good about your effort? It’s just human nature. Of course anyone buying Uggs knock-offs from a company in China might want to be more circumspect about their spam.

    *************************

    A side note: I love Spam, the mystery meat product in a can. I pop it out of the can, slice it eight ways, and fry it up with eggs for breakfast or make a fried Spam sandwich for lunch. I have heard that some people gag at the mere thought of eating Spam. Could that be true?

    Like

    January 6, 2012
  4. “Hrm, Not the best post unfortunately. Sorry to be so blunt! You should try some Norwegian carrot cake ( gulrotkake i langpanne ) to cheer you up instead.”

    I was unaware that I needed cheering up, but if I did, I think I’d be more likely to reach for a beer than for Norwegian carrot cake.

    Like

    January 6, 2012
    • pamelascott30 #

      I got the same comment as you Grace. We appear to have the same cyber-stalker. Coool. I feel so special…

      Like

      January 6, 2012
    • Me too, me too! I got this one also. Does anyone know where to get the fabled Norwegian carrot cake? I rarely turn down cheering up. 🙂

      Like

      January 6, 2012
    • Apparently this spammer is all about spreading the cheer. I got this spam at least twice a week for several weeks!

      Like

      January 9, 2012
  5. “Languishing on a beach chair in my winter outpost by a turquoise sea, I have only books on my mind. Here are a few that have pleased and provoked.”

    Suitable for us book nerds no?

    Like

    January 6, 2012
    • I like that one. I’d be tempted to approve it just because it sounds so pleasant.

      Like

      January 6, 2012
    • Then they just left you hanging?

      Like

      January 6, 2012
      • That’s what I thought at first but then I realized it was a response to my list of books I read last year and figured they were alluding to my list? Very confusing.

        Like

        January 9, 2012
  6. This post had me checking out my Spam folder on WordPress and sure enough, I had enough to cause multiple belly laughs. Thanks for the laughs!

    Like

    January 6, 2012
  7. Heh, I really enjoy reading these samplings of your spammy comments. The Akismet plugin has been working wonders on my self-hosted WordPress blog, but this post inspired me to peek into the spam folder and see what it’s been catching lately. Found this desperate plea towards the beginning of a long comment packed with links:

    “Please help I have no idea what to do!? What Boolean operation does the circuit compute? I have computer problems!!?”

    Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

    Like

    January 8, 2012
  8. Okay, this one just popped up and I had to share:

    “I tried to submit a comment earlier, however it hasn’t shown up. I think your spam filter might be broken?”

    Nope, it’s working just fine.

    Like

    January 9, 2012
  9. Patti #

    When you pull your spam comments out of the tin and fry them up in a post, it inspires me to stop deleting mine immediately and saving them up for a rainy day when I am otherwise uninspired 🙂

    Like

    January 10, 2012

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