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Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 6

Welcome to the final “Your Search Questions Answered” post of 2011. More wacky fun to come next year.

If you need a review of previous versions, here you go. As always, these are actual, unedited search terms that brought people, presumably, to my blog.

And…begin:

what kind of sunglasses is tom selleck wearing

The kind of sunglasses that compliment a full, manly mustache and some gnarly, ungroomed chest hair.

your 6th grade girl is talking about sex…what to do

If you’re a guy, all you need to do is say: “Hey, honey, our daughter has a question for you!” And then run. Run a long distance away. Miles. Run miles away from this discussion.

williamfalknerbooksarehardtoread

itotallyagreewithyouonthatpoint

i have a book idea who do i pitch it to

Let me save you some time. 95% of people in western civilization have at least one book idea over the course of their lives (fictionalized stat source: Robert’s brain). Some people have more. In fact, I have two! But here’s the deal…for the love of all things good and holy, don’t spend your time writing the entire book before you write a proposal. Such a waste of time—this is especially true in the nonfiction world.  Book publishers have editors, and those editors change stuff…like, a lot of stuff. So take your book idea, write a book proposal with a couple of sample chapters, and send it to a publisher that specializes in the genre of book you’re targeting. Make sense? Michael Hyatt offers great advice on this. Or you could just watch David Kazzie’s hilarious video. He explains it much better than me.

are there still romance novels at gorcery store

Yes. I wonder if they’ll ever have groceries at “romance” stores? You’ll definitely want to scrub down that fruit.

i am getting weird comments on wordpress with no details about my posts

That’s what we call spam, my friend. Some dude at an internet café in Cambodia is messing with you. Or, more than likely, it’s a spambot. Crush its face with a laser beam—the delete key will do that.

judy book about menstrual cycle

Is a menstrual cycle one of those fancy new stationary bikes?

jonathan franzen is beautiful

When someone has the opinion that Jonathan Franzen is beautiful, there is hope for dorky English majors with glasses everywhere. And I can say that–because I’m a dorky English major who wears glasses.

french touchy books

Sketch warning. Whether it’s French, Portugese or Latvian, a “touchy” book from any country sounds pretty creepy to me. What do you do with a touchy book? Forget that. I don’t want to know. You’re welcome to visit my blog, but please keep your touchy books and your touchy hands to yourself, okay?

introduction sentences for favorite food

In a world where red meat is king, a new champion approaches the throne: sea bass. Paired with a coupling of lemon-garlic grilled shrimp and seared to a light golden brown, this tender inhabitant of the ocean depths is prepared to make a culinary conquest on its grass-fed counterparts. Red Meat—welcome to your doom. Sea bass rules this world.

And that’s a wrap.

How would you answer any of these insightful questions?

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14 Comments Post a comment
  1. Kim #

    Oh my, I cackled at your last answer. That is hilarious.

    Like

    December 2, 2011
  2. Matt #

    That’s actually good advice on the book question.

    Like

    December 2, 2011
  3. That is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!

    Like

    December 2, 2011
  4. “In a world where red meat is king, a new champion approaches the throne: sea bass. Paired with a coupling of lemon-garlic grilled shrimp and seared to a light golden brown, this tender inhabitant of the ocean depths is prepared to make a culinary conquest on its grass-fed counterparts. Red Meat—welcome to your doom. Sea bass rules this world.”

    Possibly the best thing you’ve ever written 😉

    Like

    December 2, 2011
    • Thanks, I’m obviously fond of food.

      Like

      December 2, 2011
  5. Kaye Sims #

    “judy book” may refer to “Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret” – by Judy Blume…

    Like

    December 3, 2011
    • Yep. There’s plenty of info on this blog about that one.

      Like

      December 4, 2011
      • Kaye Sims #

        Oops. I’m a late-comer to the party…

        Like

        December 5, 2011
      • Thanks for coming!

        Like

        December 5, 2011
  6. Rachel #

    Just had to google images of Jonathan Franzen, and not bad indeed. What someone hoped to get out of that search is a mystery to me, however…

    Like

    December 3, 2011
  7. Haha this is great. I might have to copy you on this post idea at some point (with credit given of course). I’ve noticed a few interesting search terms as well 😉 It’s amazing what brings in some of your viewers!

    Like

    December 4, 2011
    • Go for it. I actually copied the idea from someone else. The crazy search terms never end.

      Like

      December 9, 2011
  8. this is hilarious. thanks for the laughs, anonymous searchers and Robert.

    Like

    December 14, 2011

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