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Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 3

In today's post: John Updike's thoughts on rabbits. (Source: Larry D. Moore/Wikimedia Commons)

And it’s back. Everyone’s least favorite series of posts…Your Search Questions Answered. These are actual, unedited search terms that brought people to my blog. Visit Part 1 and Part 2 for a recap.

Now, on with it.

i don’t know what to do

Just act calm, like nothing happened. If anyone looks you in the eyes, smile gracefully. Don’t accept gifts of more than $100. Stay out of New Jersey for awhile. Wear sunglasses and a Tom Selleck-style ‘stache.

novelist updike said rabbits are what?

Hoppy? I don’t know. Updike wasn’t a nature writer, so I’m not exactly sure of your question. He wrote the book Rabbit, Run, reviewed here on my blog.

blood meridan sucks

So harsh.

cormac mccarthy sucks

Hater.

virginia woolf sucks

Indeed.

what to look out for in the novel catch 22

Laugh-out-loud brilliance. Yossarian is my new favorite character from a novel.

infinite jest wtf

My thoughts exactly. It’s a question you’ll ask yourself for about 75% of the novel, as in “WTF is DFW talking about? OMG this novel is wearing me out.”

dressed in drag

I’m disturbed. What about this blog says “dressed in drag” to you?

subscribe to 101 books by email

So glad you asked! Simply type in your email address in the box at the upper right corner of the home page. You’ll be sent a confirmation email. Click on the link in that email and you’re good to go!

harry potter see you in therapy

Well, that’s just not very nice, is it? If anyone in the magical realm deserves a few sessions on the couch, it’s one Harry Potter. If you defeated evil incarnate with a goofy red-haired kid as your backup, you’d be sitting down with Dr. Phil, too. Poor kid had to live in a closet under a staircase for the first 10 years of his life. Harry, you’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and, doggone it, people like you.

crappy writing

Type “crappy writing” into a search engine and up pops my blog. So encouraging.

pretentious people annoy me

Me too, dude. Especially those pretentious readers.

should i give up trying to write

Never friend, never! Unless you are Stephanie Meyer. In that case, yes, you should give up writing.

bachelorette 2011 rerun july 4

Really? How does this happen? In the name of everything good and holy, how does this happen? What Google search algorithm could possibly connect this blog with The Bachelorette? I feel so defeated right now.

though this is a bulky book with over 1000 pages, i will have read it all by this time next week.

Quite confident, aren’t we? I don’t understand why one would type this into a search engine. What did this internet user expect Mr. Google to respond with? “No. No you won’t. Books that bulky absolutely cannot be read by this time next week.” Or maybe some search engine positive affirmation like, “Yes. Yes, indeed. You have a glimmer in your eyes that tells me you will have this bulky book read by this time next week.”

How would you respond to the above questions? Any good search terms in your blog lately?

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17 Comments Post a comment
  1. These posts make me giggle.

    The vast majority of the search terms leading to my page involve beaver butts, flying pigs, circles of hell, and cartwheels.

    One of the few actual questions:
    how long to wait before reading signs of an egg after a limpia

    Like

    July 29, 2011
  2. I love the big laughs I get from these posts. Hahaha! *High-five* for the Stuart Smalley reference. I love it. Hits for Bachlorette searches are bad, but remember… at least your blog isn’t being attached to full frontals of naked hairy men. Haha!

    Like

    July 29, 2011
    • This is true. Have no idea where that Bachelorette search came from.

      Like

      July 29, 2011
  3. Blair #

    I absolutely love these!

    Like

    July 29, 2011
  4. I love these posts. They are awesome.

    Like

    July 29, 2011
  5. Grace #

    My favorite search is “crappy writing.” Sooo funny! I’m not really sure how or why that search came to your blog though, that doesn’t make sense to me either. Then again, I also like “I don’t know what to do.” I laughed out loud reading this…as usual.

    Like

    July 29, 2011
    • The “crappy” term probably linked to my post “George Orwell Hates Crappy Writing.” As for “i don’t know what to do”…who knows.

      Like

      July 29, 2011
  6. I laughed out loud at your Stephanie Meyer quip! Not sure how I would respond, but I question why one would search for additional information on a book that “sucks.” If it’s that bad, close it and walk away.
    My recent favorite search terms are “shipwrecks in Elk Rapids” and “Chandler Hills morels.”

    Like

    July 29, 2011
  7. Oh how I love these. I love the SNL reference. And the Meyer quip. And the Harry Potter defense.

    Like

    July 29, 2011
  8. Love these. Laugh-out-loud funny.

    Like

    August 1, 2011
  9. “though this is a bulky book with over 1000 pages, i will have read it all by this time next week”
    I think with this one what was realy called for was a Magic 8 Ball, not an internet search
    The latest from Mother Hen’s Nest
    — chicken and rooster married
    — slavonian dwarf naked neck chicken
    — mother hen zombie
    — angry bird blue bird split
    — bride mades the movie
    Actually if you know my blog some of these almost make sense. Almost.
    Love the rabbit picture BTW. Which reminds me, if you haven’t read Watership Down you should sometime, when you don’t have 101 books to read.
    Jodi

    Like

    August 2, 2011
  10. A search for crappy writing did in fact yield your blog, but don’t be discouraged. Never let this cruel world beat you down for good. RISE ABOVE IT

    Like

    August 13, 2011

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