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Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 1

Before I start today’s post, I’ll openly admit I’m totally copying this idea from The Good Greatsby. And I like it so much, I think I’ll make a reocurring series of posts from it. I’m sure my version won’t be near as funny and insightful, but I’ll give it a try.

Here’s the deal. The cool thing about having a blog on WordPress is that you see all of the search terms that people plug into Google, Yahoo, etc to find your blog. About one-third of my daily blog traffic comes from search engines, so I always see some wacky and random questions and weird search terms pop up.

So I’ll attempt to answer these questions–in all of their unedited glory–to the best of my ability. These are actual search terms that found my blog. Let’s begin.

are you there god it’s me margaret who first gets her period?

Why Gretchen, of course! Nancy’s didn’t count because she faked it. As a 35-year-old man, do I feel strange and creepy knowing the answer to that question? Absolutely.

is there a book called 101 ways to smell a fart

You know, if there is, I’d love to know how the author went about researching this book.

is it fair for a drama exam to expect you to qoute things from a book and reference the exact page and chapter?

That sucks. Why would you need to reference the exact page and chapter in an exam? What kind of sadistic teacher makes you memorize page numbers?

how hard is it to read infinite jest

I’ll put it this way: This novel will beat the ever-living crap out of you, but you’ll be a better person for it.

what happens in mrs dalloway

Absolutely nothing. Mrs. Dalloway throws a party. That’s about it.

can a girl go to the church during her periods

Oh my. I can’t answer this. Obviously, the Judy Blume book will haunt this blog forever.

what does cheif think mcmurphy knows about him in one flw over the cukoos nest

McMurphy knows Chief isn’t mute and deaf. McMurphy’s onto him. He also knows Chief has the power to break free from the nurse and the asylum, but Chief is scared.

how do you read virginia woolf? why do i hate her?

Why do you hate her? I mean, I wasn’t crazy about Mrs. Dalloway or anything, but I don’t hate the woman. Pour yourself a nice glass of wine and relax. There’s no need to get all worked up over deceased authors.

can i read 100 pages of lord of the flies in an hour

We’ve procastinated on our homework project, haven’t we?

describing gone with the wind in one sentence

Gone With the Wind is a battle between Scarlett and Ashley to see who sucks more.

in grammar is it david and i or david and me?

Depends. Are you and David the subject of the verb? If so, it’s “David and I” as in “David and I believe cats are minions of Satan.” If you and David are the object of the verb, it’s “David and me” as in “An army of 14 cats attacked David and me.”

who is mrs.dalloway in the novel mrs dalloway

Is this a trick question?

how many non fiction writers read fiction?

At least one. That would be me.

the number of times “so it goes” is said in the novel slaughter-house five

106.

why did harper lee only write one book

If I had one question to ask the literary gods, this would be it. Wish I knew.

how to read embarrassing books in public

Yep, I’ve got experience with this one. Read this post.

reasons to read i claudius

1) It’s funny. 2) It’s somewhat historical. 3) It’s beautifully written. 4) It’s my second favorite book so far. That enough reasons?

That’s all for this time. Keep those search terms coming. And what’s one strange search term or question that brought someone to your blog?

*Blog note: No post on Monday. Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

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23 Comments Post a comment
  1. “women in high heels are that much closer to heaven” Twice–both last Saturday. People looking for a quick path to God just in case?

    Like

    May 27, 2011
  2. I don’t get questions, I get phrases. Here’s a sampling

    flying pigs (I get this one a lot)
    distracted studies
    circle of hell
    wretched egg
    superman transformation
    beaver butt juice
    coleslaw bad for divaticulitis

    Like

    May 27, 2011
    • I don’t even want to know what one uses “beaver butt juice” for.

      Like

      May 27, 2011
  3. Keep these coming, R. Enjoyed it.

    Like

    May 27, 2011
  4. theveryhungrybookworm #

    hahaha I admit that I get some pretty crazy questions too. I should try this sometime. I particularly like how you will never escape Judy Blume.

    Like

    May 27, 2011
  5. Matt #

    I agree with Cameron. Hilarious stuff!

    Like

    May 27, 2011
  6. Katie #

    I laughed out loud when I read this post! I think that this will be an excellent addition to the blog.

    Like

    May 27, 2011
  7. My favorite part of checking the stats for my blog is reading the search terms. I read them every day. The search terms I get are very specific, like “what was nick carraways relationship to the buchanans [sic]”. I just know I’m being plagiarized in high school book reports all over the country. Hahaha!

    Like

    May 27, 2011
  8. Allen #

    Great post. My favorite Google terms that lead people to my currently dormant thegeekydad.com blog:

    “stripper with the glitter commedian” – Yeah. My blog is about tech, parenting and geeky things. Not so much glittery strippers.

    “how to milk my wife” – Seriously.

    Like

    May 27, 2011
  9. Funny, funny, funny. Please keep this up.

    Like

    May 29, 2011
  10. Funny stuff!

    I’ve sent an award your way. Come by an pick it up.

    Like

    May 29, 2011
  11. Gemma Sidney #

    Nice post! I love hearing about other people’s search engine terms. The search term “paper dolls” is still giving me a large amount of traffic each day. Another popular one is “why secretaries are important” – I hope my related post was able to help out a few downtrodden secretaries out there.

    Your responses really made me laugh. Next time someone out there searches the answer to one of these questions, they’ll find your response, which is nice.

    Like

    May 29, 2011
  12. Patti #

    The search terms that most often bring people to me – “dream blogger” – I do have a post by that name, but I’m pretty sure folks are looking for the site “dreamblogger.com”
    The weirdest one I got was “my husband wants me to spank him for weight loss” – I promise that, although I did blog about my husband seeking my help in losing weight, the word “spank” does not appear in that post.

    Like

    May 30, 2011
    • That’s funny. People search for some wacked out stuff.

      Like

      May 31, 2011
  13. I had never looked at all my search terms before. What fun! I had trouble picking out my favorites!
    — do rabbits push out eggs?
    — hanna did they really kill a reindeer?
    — why does my hen act like rooster?
    — what is the nest of a hen called?
    — “she got a spank”
    — doesnt like hockey sing
    — thankful alien
    — biblical meaning of rooster, hen and pig on wedding invitation?
    and the weirdest of all:
    — dear boy mother what you two on the dresses
    P.S. (Last time I checked, a nest was still called a nest.)
    Jodi

    Like

    June 1, 2011
  14. Kathryn Frances #

    beautiful insight into Gone With the Wind. I actually laughed out loud – thankfully, I’m on my lunch break.

    Like

    November 11, 2011

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 2 | 101 Books
  2. Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 3 | 101 Books
  3. Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 4 | 101 Books
  4. The Stranglehold of the Long Novel | BlakeAtwood.com
  5. KCross Writing – I Answer the Questions of the Universe
  6. Google Asks, I Answer | Pen & Paper Teenager

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