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15 Book Spoilers In One Sentence

spoiler-alert

SPOILER ALERT!

You heard it here first. If you’re anti-spoiler, like my friend who got mad at me for ruining the ending to The Great Gatsby—nearly a century old—then you may hate this post.

If, on the other hand, you dive head first into the world of spoilers, then this post is just for you.

The catch here is that these spoilers are only one sentence long—so as not to give away great detail while helping you get the “essence” of the novel’s plot.

Also, these are mostly famous books, so hopefully you’ve read most of them anyway.

Let’s go.

The Grapes Of Wrath: Poor farmers lose their farm and move west in search of oranges, end up breastfeeding grown men.

Infinite Jest: Mold and tennis and drugs and other drugs.

Moby Dick: Worst fishing trip ever.

Blood Meridian: White people kill white people—and Native Americans, lots of them.

Death Comes To The Archbishop: The archbishop dies.

The Great Gatsby: A creepy rich guy throws large parties, stalks his ex-girlfriend, gets murdered.

1984: See 2014.

Never Let Me Go: Horrible people in the horrible future breed little kids to harvest their organs—and you thought Big Brother sucked.

The Lord of the Rings: Remember when you used to toss a dime into the fountain at the mall? It’s like that, but there’s a gold ring and hot lava and a really big mountain.

An American Tragedy: Poor boy likes poor girl but likes rich girl better so he throws poor girl over the side of a boat.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret: Margaret gets the bronze medal in the four-girl race to see who gets their first period, and, oh yeah, they talk about God.

To Kill A Mockingbird: Atticus Finch saves entire town from racist mob, and the world rejoices and proclaims Atticus as the best lawyer and best father in the history of lawyers and fathers.

I, Claudius: Everyone dies by poisoned wine or getting stabbed in the back, except for Claudius—also, Caligula wages war on the sea.

Mrs. Dalloway. There’s a suicide and a party.

The Catcher in the Rye: Holden Caulifield gets kicked out of school, decides he hates everyone, goes on a trip to New York, curses a lot.

So there you go.

I just ruined 15 books for you. Send all your hate mail to…

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31 Comments Post a comment
  1. Brandon #

    Lord of the Rings was two sentences. Ha!

    Here’s my go: There’s peril, then walking, then peril, then walking, then feasting, then peril, then walking, then peril, then the ring goes into the volcano, then a 300-page denouement.

    And yes, it is my favorite book ever.

    February 7, 2014
    • ;D

      February 7, 2014
  2. I particularly like your Never Let Me Go :)

    February 7, 2014
  3. Great Gatsby…doesn’t kill himself! Other than that, this was fantastic! What a funny approach to reading/notating. Thank you for the morning smile!

    February 7, 2014
    • You’re right! Totally went brain dead. I’ve only read that book 10 times.

      February 7, 2014
      • hahahaha….could be worse. Started my day with a flat tire, empty gas tank, and my son missed the bus! Oh my goodness…what a Friday!

        February 7, 2014
  4. i love spoilers!! The Catcher in the Rye sounds like Ferris Bueller’s Day off :-)

    February 7, 2014
  5. Hilarious. I feel like I don’t even need to read them now. The spoiler for 1984 and Lord of the Rings may be my favorite.

    February 7, 2014
  6. The World According to Garp: One penis removed surgically, the other penis removed… um, not surgically.

    February 7, 2014
  7. 1984 – LOL

    February 7, 2014
  8. Delilah #

    You are awesome! I can’t even handle LOTR movies, much less the books.

    February 7, 2014
  9. 1984: See 2014….

    Intriguing, but I think much of it came true much before 2014.

    February 7, 2014
  10. A
    Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom – let your email find you!

    February 7, 2014
  11. Love it. Especially your beloved Mrs Dalloway:-)

    February 7, 2014
  12. Hat dies auf Literatur- und Medienblog von Nomadenseele rebloggt und kommentierte:
    15 bekannte Bücher kurz und knapp zusammengefasst. Mein Liebling: Moby Dick: Worst fishing trip ever.

    February 7, 2014
  13. Reblogged this on H-319 and commented:
    Don’t read if you don’t want to be disappointed :-)

    February 7, 2014
  14. Please make a part two.

    February 7, 2014
  15. I particularly like that you ‘spoiled’ Never Let Me Go for people because it is literally too sad to read. People should be sending you thank you letters for sparing them tears.

    February 7, 2014
    • Yeah, it is an extremely depressing book! I read part of it — I already knew the plot — but stopped reading it when I had gruesome dreams both nights after reading it as my bedtime book. I’m not usually that sensitive but it is such a macabre book.

      February 8, 2014
  16. Love this! I especially like your Lord of the Rings one!

    February 7, 2014
  17. I think Catcher in the Rye is my favorite spoiler, but they’re all so good… Lol!

    February 7, 2014
  18. brookecamillej #

    Reblogged this on Good afternoon, good evening and goodnight.

    February 7, 2014
  19. I thought “Old Man and the Sea” was the worst fishing trip ever.

    February 8, 2014
  20. 1984: see 2014 :)))

    February 8, 2014
  21. Reblogged this on Where My 7 Dreams Grow….

    February 8, 2014
  22. Brilliant! But poor Gatsby doesn’t really deserve a ‘creepy’ does he?

    February 9, 2014
  23. Reblogged this on Chanistya Ayu and commented:
    ow. kay.
    #madness

    February 10, 2014
  24. Lol! Fiction or non-fiction, I always scan all the section of every book I read. And I generally start at the end, so I love your spoilers!

    No surpise I’m sure, but “1984, see 2014″ is my personal favourite. Our Canadian Prime Minister and his cabinet of cronies are taking lessons from you NSA, and possibly Putin as well.

    FYI, I am firmly in the camp that has disowned Bieber and with luck, Toronto’s crack smoking mayor will shortly arrive at Bieber’s front door in LA. Feel free to sick the NSA, CIA, FBI and whoever else is bugging you, on them. Consider them our gift to you. Returns will not be accepted. ;)

    Wordsgood

    February 13, 2014
  25. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind, but I am going to re-blog this one. :)

    February 13, 2014
  26. Reblogged this on wordsgood4598's Blog and commented:
    For fellow book lovers. But be warned, if you hate Spoilers, don’t read this!

    February 13, 2014

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