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Introducing My First Novel

horse

I’ve always wanted to be a horse farmer. No joke.

Back when I was 7, I remember walking through the North Georgia hills, dreaming of living on a ranch filled with beautiful, dark brown and white velvet horses. I dreamed of living in a home filled with watercolor paintings of horses, hues of bright rosiness and earthy tones on display everywhere. How I loved horses.

In my teens, I met a traveling Peruvian monk named Juan Carlos. Juan Carlos grew up the illegitimate son of a farmhand and a house maid in Lima. He walked with a slight limp, brought on by years of herding sheep on a rocky hillside. Juan Carlos was a fascinating man.

Life continued on, as it is known to do. One day begins. Another ends. My dreams of horses and my Peruvian monk friend Juan Carlos faded away.

Then one day just a few months ago, I awoke at 4 a.m, startled by a vivid dream. In this dream, Juan Carlos was riding a horse through a damp forest. Juan Carlos stopped to smell the nectar of a honeysuckle bush alongside a clear stream…when an angel descended from the trees.

“Quien es usted?” Juan Carlos asked with hesitation. The angel, a beautiful, delicate woman wearing a robe of bright silk began to respond…and then I awoke.

Who was that woman? I thought. And why am dreaming about my friend Juan Carlos after all these years?

Three days later, I began drinking coffee for the first time in my life and writing in a moleskin notebook about the dream. Thousands of words poured out of my pen. When I finished 18 hours later, I had written 40,000 words about Juan Carlos, my friend the Peruvian monk.

Today, I’m proud to say that my first novel will soon be available for purchase. Desire’s Flame: The Unholy Passion of A Peruvian Monk is the story of a Peruvian monk named Juan Carlos who falls in love with the illegitimate daughter of a horse farmer.

Though his love for God burns deep, the fire in his loins burns even deeper, and Juan Carlos must make a decision that will forever alter his life: Will he trade in his monk hat for the love of this young illegitimate damsel?

Okay, now I know what you’re asking: Robert, where did this come from? This doesn’t sound like your style.

I know. I know. It’s just that, while I don’t always read romance novels, my heart burns with a desire to write them. With Desire’s Flame, I feel like I’ve created a romance novel that crosses generations and will make both men and women yearn for love from their lover.

It brings a tear to my eye just thinking of all the possibilities.

I can’t wait to share this novel with you…except that the novel doesn’t exist and I totally made up all the above nonsense.

I hope you knew that. Happy April Fools!

Oh, and here’s last year’s April Fool’s joke—in case you missed it.

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24 Comments Post a comment
  1. Matt #

    I bought it for about the first 100 words. Very funny though!

    Like

    April 1, 2013
  2. Right on. I was with you until the Spanish, which smacked me in the face. [Ain't no west in that Southern Boy]

    I was sort of hoping for a Willa Cather, “Death Comes for the Archbishop” tale (which is ranked WAAAAY to low on your ranking). Maybe you have the makings of a Blood Meridian prequel: how The Judge got his start on a life of devastation.

    Like

    April 1, 2013
    • Now there’s a thought. Maybe I’ll save that one for next April Fools.

      Like

      April 1, 2013
  3. Got me, too. Now that you’ve given up on that plot line, you ought to consider finding a buyer for those honeyed words. It is certainly a best seller. Or should we help find a pen name for you?

    Like

    April 1, 2013
    • I’m open for any and all pen name suggestions!

      Like

      April 1, 2013
      • Hmm … change to Roberta? A latin name like Juanita, Last name Enflama or Desirito. Here we go: Rosa Desirito.

        Like

        April 1, 2013
        • Wow. Now it’s becoming too real. Don’t know if I can do it.

          Like

          April 1, 2013
  4. I was reading this thinking, has he lost his mind? Then of course I started thinking about myself, I can’t buy his book. Oh no, I won’t be supporting one of my favorite bloggers, brain in conflict, brain in conflict. Yes, you got me!

    Like

    April 1, 2013
  5. sylviemarieheroux #

    LOL, good one. You had me until “This doesn’t sound like your style” and them my head went “What date are we?”.

    Like

    April 1, 2013
  6. You had me hook line and sinker. Thee only thing I doubter as a fellow writer was that you wrote 40,000 words in 18 hours. Happy Aprils Fools day.

    Like

    April 1, 2013
  7. alibrice191 #

    Phew – I was getting more and more disappointed in you as I read! So of course that means I was taken in and I had got through so much of the day!!

    Like

    April 1, 2013
    • Let’s just hope I don’t lose any readers because they didn’t finish the post and thought I had lost my mind.

      Like

      April 1, 2013
  8. Dean #

    Hahaha! This was great!

    Like

    April 1, 2013
  9. I am happy to say I know you too well. Didn’t buy it for a second. But I commend you for your effort because it’s really well done. Thank god you copyrighted it, it’s total gold.

    Like

    April 1, 2013
  10. Mom #

    Cracked me up…I like the velvet horsey description though!

    Like

    April 1, 2013
  11. At first, I thought you’d gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. Then I remembered what day you posted this. That could be the ONLY EXPLANATION for you writing about Juan Carlos, fire, and loins in the same sentence.

    Like

    April 2, 2013
    • I was thinking the same damn thing just now! Lol. When I got to the Juan Carlos part, my sides were starting to hurt and I kept saying “you have got to be kidding, you have got to be kidding…”

      Belated April Fool :)

      Like

      April 5, 2013
  12. Reblogged this on Publishing Reviews.

    Like

    April 3, 2013
  13. Denise #

    I’m new to your blog, so my first thoughts were not about the inappropriateness of your new novel style, but rather, “don’t get hooked on coffee!” …and then, wait, 40,000 words in 18 hours? What kind of coffee was that?

    Very funny.

    Like

    April 4, 2013

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