Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 11
Ding! Ding! It’s that time again.
Time for Your Search Questions Answered–the weirdest, strangest, and freakiest search terms that lead Googlers to 101 Books–posted in all their unedited glory and coupled with my possibly snarky responses.
If you’re so inclined, you can read older versions in the archive. On with volume 11:
tattoo of seagulls on shoulder blade
Such a horrible idea. When you’re 65, that tattoo of a seagull on your shoulder blade will look more like an uncoordinated pterodactyl.
“husband * me to spank”
Oh dear. I’m blushing. But were you disappointed when your provocative query brought you to a book blog? Get to work, Google.
glad to see you are working again – funny
So many questions. Did I stop working? If so, I don’t remember it. When did I start back…and why is that exactly so funny? Do I sense sarcasm here, or are you generally pleased to see my return to employment? Does my resurgence make you laugh? I don’t understand.
sample of email reply with right words
Dear Nigerian King,
I’ve never met you, but your offer to immediately deposit $5 million into an undisclosed Scandanavian bank so that I may, in return, use it for my own benefit, just because you like me so much even though, like I said, you’ve never met me, is just too hard to resist. My Social Security number is XXX-XX-XXXX and my bank account number is #############. Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity. If you ever come over from Nigeria, please let me know. My address is 123 Stupidity Street, Stupid City, USA. I’d love to take you to Golden Corral. My treat.
how do people read?
Step 1. Obtain source of reading material. Step 2. Open reading material. Step 3. Turn to page 1. Step 4. Focus eyes on top left of page. Step 5. Moving left to right, identify letters. Step 6. Put letters together to form words. Step 7. Put words together to form sentences. Step 8. Put sentences together to form paragraphs. Step 9. Read paragraphs until there are no more paragraphs. Step 10. Repeat.
how to get rid of an annoying perverted brother
What exactly do you mean by “get rid of?” If you’re looking for a Tony Soprano style solution to this problem, I can’t help. If you want him to stop being annoying and perverted, try this: Find his stash of objectionable materials and put a photo of your grandmother on top of them.
why cant cartoon characters die
Why do you want them to die, sir? Think about it. What 4 year old wants to see Dora fall down an elevator shaft? Or what kid wants to see Lightning McQueen get smashed to bits. How awful. I used to love The Flintstones. Had Barney’s brakes (i.e. his feet) stopped working and caused an awful car accident, my young developing mind would have never been the same.
can an unknown write a book
Who are you to ask that question?
what word is right when spelled wrong even when its spelled right
Words have been written. Cannot comprehend. Confused. Mentally paralyzed. Feeling drowsy. Must lie down.
i hate that birds are killed by planes
Isn’t that awful? For the bird, it’s like a pleasant Sunday afternoon fly across a prairie turns into a massacre of feathers and bone shards.
another word for baby my wife hates that word
Miniature human. Young being with alien-like facial qualities. Screamy thing. Yelper. Causer of sleep deprivation. Little dude.
my best friend finally got her period
Shout out to Judy Blume for the continued blog traffic.
And there you go. Yet another disturbing version of Your Search Questions Answered.
Until next time, keeping on Googling!