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Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 11

seo-pressor-review

Ding! Ding! It’s that time again.

Time for Your Search Questions Answered–the weirdest, strangest, and freakiest search terms that lead Googlers to 101 Books–posted in all their unedited glory and coupled with my possibly snarky responses.

If you’re so inclined, you can read older versions in the archive.  On with volume 11:

tattoo of seagulls on shoulder blade

Such a horrible idea. When you’re 65, that tattoo of a seagull on your shoulder blade will look more like an uncoordinated pterodactyl.

“husband * me to spank”

Oh dear. I’m blushing. But were you disappointed when your provocative query brought you to a book blog? Get to work, Google.

glad to see you are working again – funny

So many questions. Did I stop working? If so, I don’t remember it. When did I start back…and why is that exactly so funny? Do I sense sarcasm here, or are you generally pleased to see my return to employment? Does my resurgence make you laugh? I don’t understand.

sample of email reply with right words

Dear Nigerian King,

I’ve never met you, but your offer to immediately deposit $5 million into an undisclosed Scandanavian bank so that I may, in return, use it for my own benefit, just because you like me so much even though, like I said, you’ve never met me, is just too hard to resist. My Social Security number is XXX-XX-XXXX and my bank account number is #############. Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity. If you ever come over from Nigeria, please let me know. My address is 123 Stupidity Street, Stupid City, USA. I’d love to take you to Golden Corral. My treat.

Sincerely,

Stupid Person

how do people read?

Step 1. Obtain source of reading material. Step 2. Open reading material. Step 3. Turn to page 1. Step 4. Focus eyes on top left of page. Step 5. Moving left to right, identify letters. Step 6. Put letters together to form words. Step 7. Put words together to form sentences.  Step 8. Put sentences together to form paragraphs. Step 9. Read paragraphs until there are no more paragraphs. Step 10. Repeat.

how to get rid of an annoying perverted brother

What exactly do you mean by “get rid of?” If you’re looking for a Tony Soprano style solution to this problem, I can’t help. If you want him to stop being annoying and perverted, try this: Find his stash of objectionable materials and put a photo of your grandmother on top of them.

why cant cartoon characters die

Why do you want them to die, sir? Think about it. What 4 year old wants to see Dora fall down an elevator shaft? Or what kid wants to see Lightning McQueen get smashed to bits. How awful. I used to love The Flintstones. Had Barney’s brakes (i.e. his feet) stopped working and caused an awful car accident, my young developing mind would have never been the same.

can an unknown write a book

Who are you to ask that question?

what word is right when spelled wrong even when its spelled right

Words have been written. Cannot comprehend. Confused. Mentally paralyzed. Feeling drowsy. Must lie down.

i hate that birds are killed by planes

Isn’t that awful? For the bird, it’s like a pleasant Sunday afternoon fly across a prairie turns into a massacre of feathers and bone shards.

another word for baby my wife hates that word

Miniature human. Young being with alien-like facial qualities. Screamy thing. Yelper. Causer of sleep deprivation. Little dude.

my best friend finally got her period

Shout out to Judy Blume for the continued blog traffic.

***

And there you go. Yet another disturbing version of Your Search Questions Answered.

Until next time, keeping on Googling!

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18 Comments Post a comment
  1. I JUST LOVE THESE POSTS. I AM NOT SHOUTING. I AM LAUGHING!

    August 3, 2012
    • Haha. That’s great. Plus, it’s Friday. Nothing beats laughter on a Friday.

      August 3, 2012
      • my post today is about Friday and the fact that we are not here for a long time; we’re here for a good time. Laughter and good fun on a Friday are a good thing!

        August 3, 2012
  2. awww, Judy Blume… never fails

    August 3, 2012
  3. Matt #

    This might be the best one yet! Love the one about babies.

    August 3, 2012
  4. I love posts like this…so entertaining! It inspired me to look at some of my own search terms although most of mine are at least somewhat book related or I can see where they’re coming from, vs. yours which are a bit out there!

    Here are a few I found that were quite funny:
    Bill Compton jerk; consumes books reads a lot (yes, this is me!); jerks in literature (I don’t think I read about many of those…); I want to slap bella swan; good books for men beach reading (found this funny because I don’t usually think of men when beach reading is mentioned…perhaps this is an untapped demographic!); snuff Palahniuk beauty tips (don’t remember there being any beauty tips in this book!).

    August 3, 2012
    • Haha. Love it. The ones where people are angry and “want to slap” someone or say someone sucks always make me laugh.

      I think mine are so random because I kind of write about random stuff, related to books. Plus, a lot of these posts actually bring more weird terms. So it’s like the gift that keeps giving.

      August 3, 2012
  5. what word is right when spelled wrong even when its spelled right
    Write.

    August 3, 2012
    • A riddle! I should’ve known.

      August 3, 2012
      • :D I love riddles

        August 4, 2012
  6. I love these. You really do get some weird ones. I love that you read Judy Blume and what it did to your blog. The baby one is fantastic. So are birds and planes. Oh it’s all fun!

    August 3, 2012
  7. I needed a good laugh. Thanks!

    August 3, 2012
  8. Blair #

    These get me every time. Hahahaha!

    August 3, 2012
  9. That was another excellent post today. You make it look so easy. Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed reading it very much. Have a wonderful day!

    Increase your traffic and SEO page rank today – This works very well for me:

    SEO – Page Rank Tool

    August 4, 2012
  10. Terry Dassow #

    These are great story starter material. Opening scene: person sitting at computer, typing something weird.

    On another note, I’ve forgotten book titles and typed some type of incoherent nonsense before. Reading this post makes me laugh at myself. Well done, thanks!

    August 5, 2012
  11. I absolutely love these posts. I cannot believe what people actually google. Awesome.

    August 8, 2012

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Search Terms Lost in Translation « Book Club Babe
  2. Search Terms Lost in Translation | Book Club Babe

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