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Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 10


Here we go. I don’t know that anybody is asking for it, but I’m giving it to you anyway–the tenth installment of Your Search Questions Answered.

Remember these are actual, unedited search terms that found my blog, with my insightful and, perhaps, disturbing commentary. Check out past editions in the archive.

May the fun begin:

i am looking for wrappers of spiderman and superman bubble gum

Stop joking. Are you really doing that?

i’m in love with jonathan franzen

That’s sweet. He hates you, though. He hates everything, even the puppies up for adoption in those commercials with Sarah McLachlan.

colleagues’are grammar nazis

Maybe because you don’t know how to use an apostrophe?

spank my hairy monkey

Ding! Ding! We have a winner. The most disturbing search term that’s ever led to this blog!

people that don’t tip should die

That’s too easy, though. People that don’t tip should be forced to drink the saliva of waiters they’ve ripped off. And they should also have to drink a concoction of warm milk and mayonnaise in 105 degree summer heat.

cool shoulder tattoos for guys

Twenty years from now, this search term will be:  “how to remove cool shoulder tattoos for guys.”

what do women think of receding hairlines

That’s a wonderful question. As I’m not a woman, I’m reluctant to answer, but I’ll try. Women think receding hairlines are much more preferable to comb overs or the cheesy haircuts those dudes in the hair replacement commercials have.

i don’t understand

Who does understand? You’re not alone, buddy. We live in a world where 14-year-olds with bad haircuts and cheesy lyrics make millions of dollars singing, while the educators who teach our kids can barely get by.

most ridiculous new urban words like awesomesauce

If you say “awesome sauce,” I propose that your mouth be stitched shut. By using these words, you have lost the privilege of verbal communication. But I still think you’re a person of high moral regard, and please keep reading my blog!

what is it like being an english major

Hold on, let me put down my glass of Scotch for a second to answer your query. Oh, look, a family of beavers is building a lovely home in the mountain stream outside my window! That reminds me: Do you know where I might find an antique mahogany bookshelf on which to place my collection of first edition Emerson and Thoreau?


The search terms that find 101 Books are the gift that keeps on giving. The more posts I make–going on 400 now–the more opportunities for really weird search terms. And they are only getting weirder, friends.

That’s it for now.

As always, do share any weird, nonsensical terms that found your blog!

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18 Comments Post a comment
  1. sylviemarieheroux #

    Hi Robert,
    Please do keep those comments coming… Always fun to see those search terms and where they lead you. Much prefer receding hairlines! Thanks for a good start to the day. Now I can work.

    June 29, 2012
    • Awesome! No worries. I’ll be publishing these for a long time.

      June 29, 2012
  2. Matt #

    Another great edition. Hilarious!

    June 29, 2012
  3. I now know I want to be an English Major.

    June 29, 2012
    • Start looking for a mountain home and an antique bookshelf.

      June 29, 2012
  4. 0MG! Just spilled out a mouthful of water. Hilarious. I dnt an editor for this

    June 29, 2012
    • That’s as a high compliment I can get. I hope you didn’t mess up your keyboard!

      June 29, 2012
  5. Blair #

    It is the rare content that causes me to laugh out loud over and over at 8 a.m. Love this! Beyond clever. You’ve done it again, Robert. Thank you!

    June 29, 2012
    • Thank you for your patronage of the blog, Blair. I’ve enjoyed seeing “the founder’s” comments on the blog as well recently.

      June 29, 2012
  6. thank you for this – I love these – keep doing this – I have looked at search terms used on my blog and wondered–but none of mine are so creative (or kind of gross)

    June 29, 2012
  7. btw – lol uproariously (sp?)

    June 29, 2012
  8. LOL

    June 29, 2012
  9. Nel #

    I may steal this idea from you. Beware.

    June 29, 2012
    • Oh, feel free. I stole it from someone else.

      June 29, 2012
  10. Your answer to the tipping question made me gag. LITERALLY.

    Spank my hairy monkey? There are some strange, strange people using Google search.

    June 30, 2012
  11. Haha, these gave me a smile, especially the Jonathan Franzen one. And your witty comments are…well….’awesome sauce’. ;) (apologies, I feel I should put in a disclaimer that I don’t *actually* use that word!)

    June 30, 2012
  12. Lauretta Eckenrode #

    Tatoo are nice because they are a great work of art. :

    <a href="Look at all of the most recent post on our very own blog

    November 24, 2012
  13. Colette Bacha #

    Tatoo are nice because they are a great work of art. :

    <a href="Our blog page

    November 24, 2012

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