Comments on: Stuff Jonathan Franzen Hates

By: #5 In 2012 | 101 Books

#5 In 2012 | 101 Books — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 13:30:22 +0000

[...] Jonathan Franzen. Wide receivers are always complaining about something. They’re divas. Franzen fits the bill well. What he might lack in speed, he’ll certainly make up for in his ability to make pretentious [...]

By: If Famous Authors Were Football Players | 101 Books

If Famous Authors Were Football Players | 101 Books — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 12:32:44 +0000

By: Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 10 | 101 Books

Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 10 | 101 Books — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 12:34:29 +0000

[...] sweet. He hates you, though. He hates everything, even the puppies up for adoption in those commercials with Sarah McLachlan. colleagues’are [...]

By: On Being a Jerkface (Jonathan Franzen) « Thinker For Hire

On Being a Jerkface (Jonathan Franzen) « Thinker For Hire — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:10:24 +0000

[...] Is that my greatest compliment? Well, Franzen seems to inspire levels of vitriol usually reserved for actual family members. Or exes. (Ex-lovers, ex-presidents, extreme [...]

By: traveler8

traveler8 — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 00:23:51 +0000

Jonathan Franzen hates people who read Jonathan Franzen novels…anyone who would read a novel on a bestseller list isn’t avant garde enough for him.

By: Lunar Euphoria

Lunar Euphoria — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 08:44:37 +0000

I share his disdain for Twitter and Facebook.

…and things that kill birds.

By: Tyler

Tyler — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 02:05:52 +0000

Your comment would be witty if it were witty.

By: Robert

Robert — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 02:03:06 +0000

Franzen is a great author, but he’s definitely an elitist. He’s an author you like to read but don’t really want to hang out with because he’s probably judging you for drinking a domestic beer.

Keep writing and plugging away. There will always be people out there that don’t like what you do. That’s just part of the deal.

By: Joseph Jerome

Joseph Jerome — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 00:52:04 +0000

Robert – After reading Franzen’s 10 Rules of Writing, I tore into my new novel, removed 90% of the “thens”, and replaced them with “ands”. Why? Because Johnathan Franzen hates the word “then.” And if he hates it, then by golly I hate it. True story. Then, the Lord struck me with an epiphany. After I came to and picked myself off the floor, I knew the reason that Johnathan Franzen hates the Internet and all it magical orbiting sattelites of gloriousness. It scares the shit out of him. Why? Because it threatens him? Why, you ask? Because guys like me, rookie authors hacking a brand new novel, use the Internet for research. And we are growing like weeds, or grandpa’s ear hair, pick your poison. The Corrections was so thoroughly researched, impressively researched, to the point of overkill. Then then then, along comes the Internet and guess what? Anybody can research. So, connecting all these absurd dots makes me think that Johnathan Franzen hates self-published authors who research on the Internet. Which means that Johnathan Franzen hates me!

By: Robert

Robert — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 19:58:36 +0000

Thanks Paula. Welcome to the blog! Many more unfunny posts to come in the future. You should probably get out while you can.