Your Search Questions Answered, Volume 7

Welcome to the latest edition of Your Search Questions Answered–my not-that-funny attempt at trying to make sense of all the weird search terms that find my blog via Google and the like. If you’d like to read previous editions, here you go.

Remember, these are actual, unedited search terms that found my blog. Let’s get on with it!

kids using lemon pledge to get high?

I don’t know why, but I just imagined Phil Dunphy from Modern Family typing this into Google.

the banana in Dalloway

I assume this is referring to Mrs. Dalloway, and as my experience reading that book has been banished to the dark, moldy recesses of my brain, I have no insight into this banana. Perhaps it was a banana eaten by an irreverent monkey who chose to fling poo at Mrs. Dalloway while she purchased groceries for her much ballyhooed party.

novels are not by margaret atwood

No, actually, novels are by Margaret Atwood. You seem very confident in this statement, but I would disagree, seeing as I’ve read one of Mrs. Atwood’s novels. Next, you’re going to tell me that the internet isn’t by Al Gore.

contents in egg after a limpia

That is the nastiest thing I’ve ever read, and I don’t even know what it means. I believe this actually came from a commenter on a previous search questions post. If you dare google this phrase, proceed with caution. And feel free to tell me what it means.

101 fart sounds book

You make one mention about being an “old fart” and all of the sudden your blog becomes the epicenter of all things fart. That said, I think a 101 fart sounds book would be awesome! Even better, make it a scratch and smell. Would make for great nighttime reading with my little guy.

why did harper lee chose to use the n word in her book

Because the people she wrote about were racists and used the “n word.” Had she chose to censor herself or her characters, that would’ve been like trying to write a Christian book without using the word “God.” It’s disgusting and sad, but racist people use the “n word,” so racist characters in novels should also use the “n word.”

harper lee bush

I don’t even know what to say.

the blah story review

The Blah Story is a piece of blah that is written by a pretentious blah who wants to make a buck on blah people who aren’t very blah. I can’t imagine anyone ever spending actual money on that pathetic blah of a blah book. I give 0 out of 10 blahs to The Blah Story, and I haven’t even read it. Why the blah would I want to?

i have lots of books in my bookcase ,can i somehow put them in my ipad

Oh, the problems we first-worlders must deal with. I have a theory about the iPad and Kindle (disclaimer: I have an iPad). Apple and Amazon are attempting what can only be called book genocide. Think about it. If the iPad army has its way, all of our beloved paper books, with all of their uniqueness and personality, will be gone and we’ll be left with nothing but digital books that all look the same. It’s literary genocide, I tell you!

i hate the word cumbersome

That’s a good one. What about “salmonella?” You could even use the two words in this lovely sentence: “After suffering from salmonella poisoning brought on by a Taco Bell burrito at 1 a.m, Dirk’s stomach grew cumbersome and unpredictable.”

why read fiction novels

Fiction novels? As opposed to nonfiction novels? Or fiction nonfiction?

most of my time i watch tv and reading novelss

Gollum?

pictures to learn kids dont be selfish

Whenever I want to teach my son not to be selfish, I think I’ll draw up a picture of a selfish kid hoarding an Elmo doll while Santa frowns disapprovingly from the North Pole and writes a short note in his “Naughty Notebook” that says: “No fun toys this year. Give socks, underwear and a t-shirt that says ‘Santa Hates Selfish Kids.’”

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That’s all for this time around.

As always, feel free to chime in with any interesting and unusual search terms that have come your way recently!